Adopting Children

Legally, adoption is defined as the transfer of the parental rights of a child from one set of parents to another. Once an adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents are legally (and otherwise) the parents in every sense of the word. But leaving the definition at that misses the heart behind adoption, particularly for us as Christians.


Let's step back and look at the big picture. Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will."


As John Piper so eloquently puts it, "adoption … is greater than the universe … Adoption was part of God's plan. It was his idea, his purpose. It was not an afterthought. He didn't discover one day that against his plan and foreknowledge humans had sinned and orphaned themselves in the world, and then come up with the idea of adopting them into his family. No, Paul says, he predestined adoption. He planned it."1


For some reason, adoption can have a negative stigma associated with it, partly due to the horror stories we've all heard. But what we have to remember is that adoption is designed to bring healing to a child that has been abused, neglected, abandoned or unable to be cared for by birth parents. It's because of this that adoption is even an option.


Families considering adoption first need to agree (particularly mom and dad) that it is something your family should consider further. It's also important to evaluate the reasons for considering adoption as well as any expectations. Adoption has to be focused on the needs of the kids rather than the needs and desires of the adults. Take the time to evaluate your motivation in adoption. If it is to "round out your family" because you want a girl or to fill an unmet need to be a parent, your tendency will be to put your needs before the child's needs, which doesn't help anyone.


Once you decide that adoption is the right decision for your family, the next step is to decide which type of adoption you will pursue and to select an appropriate agency. From there, the agency will walk you through the other steps such as paperwork, a home study, background check and training.


By Katie Porter
www.focusonthefamily.com



1http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/topicindex/89_Sonship_Adoption_by_God/175_Predestined_for_Adoption_to_the_Praise_of_His_Glory/, last accessed May 25, 2010.

Fathering Teen Daughters

An excerpt by Dr. James Dobson from his book Parenting Isn't for Cowards.

Let's talk now about fathers and daughters. Most psychologists believe, and I am one of them, that all future romantic relationships to occur in a girl's life will be influenced positively or negatively by the way she perceives and interacts with her dad. If he is an alcoholic and a bum, she will spend her life trying to replace him in her heart. If he is warm and nurturing, she will look for a lover to equal him. If he thinks she is beautiful, worthy and feminine, she will be inclined to see herself that way. But if he rejects her as unattractive and uninteresting, she is likely to carry self-esteem problems into her adult years.

I have also observed that a woman's willingness to accept the loving leadership of her husband is significantly influenced by the way she perceived the authority of her father. If he was overbearing, uncaring or capricious during her developmental years, she may attempt to grab the reins of leadership from her future husband. But if her dad blended love and discipline in a way that conveyed strength, she will be more willing to yield to the confident leadership of her husband.

None of these tendencies or trends is absolute, of course. Individual differences can always produce exceptions and contradictions. But this statement will be hard to refute: A good father will leave his imprint on his daughter for the rest of her life.

Many fathers are also called upon to perform another vitally important role during the adolescent years. It occurs when tension begins to develop between mothers and teenage girls. That conflict is very common among the ladies of the house. Several years may pass during which they don't even like each other very much.

In that setting, fathers are desperately needed as peacemakers and mediators. I have found that teenagers who are greatly irritated with one parent will sometimes seek to preserve their relationship with the other. It's like a country at war in search of supportive allies.

If fathers are chosen in that triangle, they can use the opportunity to settle their daughters and "interpret" their mothers in a more favorable light. They may also be able to help their wives ventilate their anger and understand their role in perpetuating the conflict. Without this masculine influence, routine skirmishes can turn into World War III.

In conclusion, I have this recurring message for today's fathers — especially to those who have teenagers at home: Don't let these years get away from you. Your contributions to your kids could rank as your greatest accomplishments in life — or your most oppressive failures.

Transformed at Grace

We recently completed a Transformed presentation at Grace Lutheran Church in Columbus. It was a great group and a real privilege to share with the parents and students there. Here are a few comments we received from the evaluations participants completed at the conclusion of our time there:

• “I felt all sessions were extremely helpful—even shared with my 21 year old college daughter….I really liked how scripture was used to prove points so wonderfully.” --Mom
• “I loved every session!! I think all the sessions are necessary to make a complete package…I really loved the whole program. It was so well done and up to date.” --Mom
• The most helpful? “Honesty about sexual thoughts and temptations and about how difficult a struggle it is.” --Teen male
• “The whole program helped a bunch. Very uplifting.” --Teen female
• Most helpful? “Encouragement in the common battle” --Dad
• “Loved it! Thanks so much…Homework got me thinking!’ --Dad

If you are interested in learning more about Transformed and bringing it to your church, you can go to our website or contact Lisa Newton, Director of Christian Education, at 812-378-4114 ext. 102 or toll free 866-510-5067.

"The Principle of the Path" by Andy Stanley

In every area of the PCC Ministries, one of our goals is to help others pursue God’s path for their life. We are always on the lookout for illustrations, techniques and tools that will equip us to communicate this message in effective ways. In his book, The Principle of the Path, Andy Stanley provides simple, fresh narratives that create a biblically-grounded blueprint for a successful life. He begins with a relevant story from his own life, explains the principle and then leads the reader toward applying this truth. The wisdom is subtle, maybe even a bit simplistic, but the more I think about it, the more profound and applicable to our ministry it becomes.

The principle of the path simply states, “Direction—not intention—determines destination.”

We all have dreams and desires for our future. Most of us have great intentions. But our intentions alone aren't enough to get us to our desired destination. We must be making choices and decisions that keep us moving in the right direction. Life is connected. Yesterday affects today and today will affect all our tomorrows. Our final destination is determined by the path we choose and where it leads, regardless of our intentions.

In addition to discussing this dynamic, Stanley also leads the reader through additional truths, including:
• "Prudent people look as far down the road as possible when making decisions."
• "When happiness points in one direction while wisdom, truth, integrity, and common sense point in another, that's when really smart people start doing really stupid things."
• "Your heart can't be trusted... The truth is, if you let it, your heart will direct you down a path that leads to the very spot you most want to avoid."
• "One never accomplishes the will of God by breaking the law of God, violating the principles of God, or ignoring the wisdom of God."

The book is filled with practical tools that can lead the reader to God’s best while avoiding regret filled detours along the way.

Lisa Newton
Director of Christian Education

* You can purchase this book by clicking on the title at the top of this page.

"A Tireless Servant Working Behind the Scenes Unto the Lord"

Many of you know Morris Nading as the Pregnancy Care Center’s Men’s Ministry Coordinator but last month at the National Care Net Conference in Grapevine, Texas, Morris was recognized for much more than his job title. Morris received Care Net’s 2010 Ruth Award for being a “tireless servant working behind the scenes unto the Lord.” Nominated by Annie Romine, she writes “I am floored at how much time and passion is exuberated through Morris. He is blessed with a strong sense of discernment, grace, humbleness, and faithfulness to Christ that all could learn from.”

Morris is in the Center each week working with the men who come through the door. He often prays and reads Scripture with the men as well as leads a post abortion bible study each week. He recognizes the need for truth to be presented in the lives of these men and dedicates his work to speaking that truth in a compassionate yet urgent way.

Not only does he do this well, he does it without recognition. Morris is our volunteer Men’s Ministry Coordinator and as Annie puts it would “probably be upset knowing I was submitting this nomination as he is serving in the Center solely out of his love for Christ and his desire to bring light into the darkness.” He may be upset with the recognition but it is all well deserved.

Morris, we thank you and we love you! You bring not only light into the darkness but Jesus to those who need him most. Congratulations on receiving the Ruth Award. You are a blessing to the Pregnancy Care Centers. “May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.” Ruth 2:12