I’ve never felt the need to blog before, but for
some reason I can’t get this out of my mind. In the counseling room, I
have talked with many women who have miscarried a child. I gave the appropriate
responses that I was trained to give, but never felt the impact of a
miscarriage in my heart until someone dear to me experienced it. About 3
weeks ago, my daughter called me at 6:15 am in the morning crying. Of course,
my natural reaction to someone crying is, “What’s wrong”? She mumbled
that she and her husband were finally pregnant! Since I had yet to have
my first cup of morning coffee, it took a few seconds for the news to sink in,
but we celebrated! Since I didn’t have a pregnancy wheel at my home, we
searched online for the information we were looking for...the due date of
October 12 and she was about to start her 5th week! I looked at my
schedule to see when my next ultrasound day was scheduled because I wanted to
see that new grandchild first hand! I gave her the last appointment of
the day! We talked often about how she was feeling and as women do, began
planning.
During that time, our son, daughter-in-law and 3
yr old grandson were spending a few days at our house and they were also trying
to get pregnant. My heart was so excited! I took my daughter-in-law to the
center and gave her a pregnancy test and it was positive! Pregnancy Wheel
in hand...a due date of October 22! 10 days apart! Just between you and
me...we did a little jig in my office)
My vacation days were being saved for that magic month!
A few days later, my daughter called and said
that she was spotting, cramping and had back pain. I asked her to schedule an
appointment with her OB/GYN and she was scheduled to go February 28. Our
ultrasound appointment was scheduled for February 19, so we would be able to
see if the pregnancy was progressing. On Valentines Day, my daughter called and
she was feeling worse, so I told her to call her OB/GYN and they said that they
would see her at her appointment, but to go to the ER if she continued to have
problems. On February 15, my daughter and her husband were in the ER and we
were texting back and forth. The news came, she was miscarrying. They were
heartbroken.....and frankly, so was I. Not only was my daughter emotionally
attached to this new life....but so was I. Tears fell and the thoughts of
what might have been filled my mind. My daughter needed comforting, but the
trained responses didn’t seem to be enough, were in fact not enough. I
now know the emotional bond that a mother (and a Nana) can have to an unborn
child even at 6 weeks. This process has been difficult, consoling a
grieving mother and celebrating with another mother. But God is gracious and
gives us strength for all we need. Now, when someone asks me how many grandchildren
do I have? 3....one on earth, one to come...and little Erin in
heaven.
I’ve said all this, to say this...If we are
pro-life and our church is pro-life and we believe that life begins at
conception...then even the life of this little 6 week human being is worth
celebrating. Thank you little Erin for giving your Nana more compassion
for those who lose a child through miscarriage. Nana loves you and will meet
you face to face in heaven.
Darla Goodman
Decatur County Center Director
